WHY YOU SHOULD AVOID THE TAX COLLECTOR (2020) | hguy.blogspot.com

 

Nothing happened for 40 minutes. Just talk talk. And not even interesting at that.

 

It was just what Steven Spielberg did in Jaws. Remember. The difference is that SS knew his shit. He told his peeps. Oye, get stoned and come to the beach, yall. We shoot the first shot tonight.

 

Tax Collector worked the other way. The shark jumped out of the sea and committed suicide in the very first scene.

 

Total bakwas.

 

Nothing Nothing happens.

 

Why was the movie even made?

 

But one thing I learnt here. The trailer should match the movie. Or else it will be a disaster. The trailer of this movie was great. Really. I was waiting for this movie for over a month. and when I did see it.. cha.

 

Nothing happens for the rest of time too.

Review by Hemant Singh

JOKER (2019) - ONLY SEEING IS BELIEVING | hguy.blogspot.com

Review by Hemant Singh

No one else could have pulled it off. This actor/director combo proved lethal. Given the crap I've seen all 2019, this was a very satisfying movie. 

Salute.

A one-man show from start to finis which many have tried and failed miserably at.  It succeeded due to the emotional tug that accompanied and that physique of Joaquin Phoenix. He did something drastic to his body. 

And why does De Nero look like a character from the movie 'Who Killed Roger Rabbit'. He should retire with grace. I recognize that he is, perhaps, the best actor of all time but still.

This is an answer to peeps who said that Heath Ledger's Joker in The Dark Knight (2008) can never ever be topped. It was topped by a comparatively small film. With no SFX or fights or chases.

The movie is a walk-thru inside the mind of a demented man which as expected is upside down.

Finally, this is the best example of show-don’t-tell movie making. So, I can’t tell you what it is. Just go see it.

WHY THE WITCHER JUST DOESN’T WORK | hguy.blogspot.com

Review By Hemant Singh 

One of the most anticipated shows of this year disappointed big-time. Like so many others. 2019 will be remembered as the year of shitty output from TV and film makers. 

The Witcher has nothing going for it. They even screwed up the nude and sex scenes. It has pedestrian dialogs. The music was made for a comedy. And. Even if you give me all the crayons in the world, I will not be able to draw you the plot.

It has battles but you know not who is fighting who and why. It has palace intrigue, but you know not who is intriguing who and why. The sex/nudity is o bad. It can drive away any urges you have. Case to point is a gynecological exam of a girl. But why is she topless. no reason. This girl - who I later learn is half Indian - drops her clothes like the proverbial hanky. For no good reason. And she seems to be fucking anything that moves. And then proudly announces that she doesn’t use a body double for the nude scenes and does them herself. That’s not female emancipation. That's maha chutiyapa.

Then you have curses and magic that is best left to the Japanese and their shows for preschool kids.

The actors do their best. And quite sincerely. But it comes to a naught coz it is not cohesively strung together.

I only hope 2020 is better.

THE KOMINSKY METHOD - A GEM NOT TO BE MISSED - hguy.blogspot.com

I absolutely love 'The Kominsky Method". TKM may go down as Chuck Lorre's best work yet. It will never get the big rating. Or get wildly popular. Never Never. And I will tell you why.

Have you noticed that there is nothing on TV or on film that is led by a 50 plus fellow. OK, we still have Rambo and Terminator films but they need to be told a word or two. Baring these two relentless fellows, its zero. And dont get me started about Meryl Streep. You have dozens on boring stuff about the sexually indeterminate or ambiguous or exploring but nothing with ripe peeps. 

Age is a anathema to the bosses.

What TKM did was bring them out from godknowwhere which itself is unbelievable and make a delightfully entertaining show.

The writing is crisp, the actors are crisper - and, thankfully, the show is not Chuck Lorre type.

And the best of all... A plus-size main character.

And did I mention it has Michael Douglas in it.

I hope it lives a long-life - entertaining peeps all over.

Guess Who?

Jane Seymore

The great Alan Arkin and the woman I hate but not anymore-Lisa Edelstein

Yes, thats Paul Reiser

REVIEW OF THE IRISHMAN | hguy.blogspot.com

The Irishman is old stuff, told in the same old way, with the same old actors.

I expected something else.  Not this.

It is slow. Now slow burns are a thing. But it should break new ground.  Remember Eastern Promise. This didn’t.

It’s so long. Lucky is didnt go to the cinema halls; how will peeps sit through it with no pee break.

Frankly, the movie reads like a page from Wikipedia. Straight-laced with no sense of humor. And if you may, it looks like The Sopranos but without the understated witticism, raw power and great acting.

And what was Anna Paquin doing in the movie. She could have continued her invisible existence elsewhere.

Finally, if you give this movie a miss, no probs.

Rating 2/5 star. That is for the effort.

Review by Hemant Singh

REVIEW of MIDSOMMAR | A MOVIE BY ARI ASTER - hguy.blogspot.com

Review by Hemant Singh

Midsommar is a strange movie. Its strange coz it tells the truth. It doesn't hide. What we don't understand is that people are like that. Just becoz we go to a church or a temple doesn't make us good folks.

We have to be tough. We have to be smart. To survive. And we have to take care of our own. Thats the circle of life.

Cults have always been there. Some are good. Some are bad. And some are weird. And we are members of at-least one cult. Knowingly or unknowingly. You can be a snobbish intellectual doing cancer research all your life on a big govt grant. And pad it up with some private funds. And end up doing zilch. To get this done, you form bonds with your kind. Learn to speak a different way, dress like them. Wear a tie. This is your cult. The autorikshaw walas also form a cult. Earn a little, gossip a little, drink a little. Repeat. Acharya Rajneesh also headed a cult. RSS in India is a cult. Its not a problem as long as you sacrifice a goat or a chicken. But when it progresses to humans. Then the cult is bad. Even if you wear white.

Not since Conjuring has a horror/terror movie been so fulfilling . And I mean it, folks. Movie makers have shied away from showing it. Less is more is the new mantra. My foot. Slow burn is good. Go jump in a well.  This movie is the opposite. How can a festival celebrated by such sweet people go so wrong?

So go and see this movie with an open mind. If only to learn about your brothers and sisters.

Masks

LION KING (2019) REVIEW - WHY I HATE THIS MOVIE - hguy.blogspot.com

Review By Hemant Singh

Just saw Lion King (2019). Why didn't someone tell me its the worst movie in the history of movies? Why didn't someone warn me not to waste my time?

I had Jon up there, now he is down here.

What a waste of time and effort. So what if it made a billion and will make a billion more. It will always be a bad movie.

What they did is pack it up in bad animation, irritating dialogues, and terrible terrible songs.

First, we have those pathetic superhero movies. Then we have talented directors making movies like this. What the hell is happening, folks.

They took all the punch lines and made a mess of it. 

But what I won’t forgive is they killing 'Hakuna Matata for me.

The sound and song at the very beginning of the original caught us bang. Here they messed up the beginning itself with the song, OMG, someone silly with a massive case of constipation sang it.

And why Beyonce. Why Why.

Why was this movie ever made?

Lesson. Don’t touch great movies. The first Lion King was a perfect movie. That was because it had a heart. They worked hard in every department of movie-making. Story, drawing, music. In 2019, no one had any stake in the project. The story was copied. Music was copied. Buggers brought back James Earl Jones as the voice of Mufasa. And made him sound a pussy. Jeremy Irons must be thanking his lucky stars that he was rejected to reprise the role of Scar.

And why all those sickly-looking animals. What went wrong. Was there an outbreak in the set?

(Images are fan art and are better than the ones in the new movie)

SIX THINGS THAT MAKE HOTEL ADITYA THE BEST NON-VEG JOINT IN MAHALAXMI PURAM

Photo by Hemant

1. Not just Mahalakshmi Puram (That’s near Rajajinagar) but far far away too. I was at the Indian Institute of science. Which is far. And when I told them I was from Mahalakshmi Puram. They asked me if I know HA (That’s Hotel Aditya for short). I believe, these peeps get into their second-hand Maruti 800 and make a weekly trip to HA.

2. Don’t expect great ambience; just be happy that you get a place to sit. HA is much like the old-time mess. With the fixed table and bench. And if you are so phoren, take a parcel and leave thru the rush. HA opens at seven in the AM with a breakfast menu. Later there is lunch. And evening seven, the dinner starts. Peeps start piling up at the gate by 630. Families in big cars, waiting patiently for HA to open. Sundays is a big non-veg day. HA stay jam packed from 7 in the morn to 11 in the night. Remember Monday is a holiday here. 

3. It has a simple one page menu. Chicken items, mutton items. Rice, Chapati, Raagi Mudde. And some seasonal items sometimes. The menu is NAATI style. Meaning Karnataka village style cooking. And that’s the taste that made them big. Everyone can eat it. North Indian, Bengalis and even foreigners.  My mouth is watering as I write this.

4. I first ate here when it newly opened. About four years ago. And have been a regular since. The quality had not dipped one bit. Chicken Biryani has the same A1 taste.

5. The cost is pocket-friendly. Chicken Biryani is 125.

6. About half a dozen new such hotel have opened – and closed – nearby. All of them professed Naati style like HA. But none lasted.

So if you are ever here and hungry, drop in at Hotel Aditya. It’s bang opposite Nandini Cinema. Near Ibaco Icecream, Near BGS School. Nearest Metro is Mahalakshmi and Rajajinagar. This is Namma Bangalore for you.

Review by Hemant Singh

Review of Hippo Ocracy (a graphic novel)

Written by Chris Kostecka, Art by the Yuan Twins, Pencils & Inks by John Yuan and Colors by Matt Yuan

Review copy

Hippo Ocracy

Have you heard the phrase taking a dump? Good. Coz now you get to see it. In all its glory.

All this happens in the kingdom of Hippopotamuses. Just you wait. We also have emaciated elephants, rebel crocodiles and even a pair of sneaky squirrels. And of course, pandas. It’s a veritable jungle out there.

They call the book child-friendly. But I have my doubts. Teens maybe.

The plot moves fast starting with a visit from foreign royalty to a vicious battle locally. Beneath all the mayhem is a message. But who cares when you having so much fun.

With cool drawings and color. And dialogs to match. It’s worth a read.

Review by Hemant Singh