WHY IS AJAY DEVGAN LYING? - hguy.blogspot.com

For the past couple of years, my one-time idol Ajay Devgan has been promoting Vimal Eliachi. I was taken in. And went to buy one. Not one packet available. Na. No shopkeeper has ever heard of Vimal Eliachi. They have heard of Vimal Zarda, Vimal Tambaku, and Vimal Ghutka. But no Eliachi.

I thought- what nonsense. The good Devgan can’t be wrong. So I traveled far and wide, covered the whole of Bangalore. I swear. Not one Elaichi but all other Vimal products were on sale. Methink that this imaginary elaichi product is the only one that they can advertise.

I remember others doing the same thing. Seagram was a big-time daru company, that entered and, now, exited India. Actually, they opened two companies. One Seagram daru and the other Seagram music. Remember the days when we heard about Seagram music at every turn. Must have had millions of dollars advertising budget. Income of Seagram Music company, I am sure,  never  crossed 100 rupees.

It is called surrogate advertising. And everyone did it. I mean the ones with banned products. Remember Wills Made for Each Other ads or the Benson and Hedges Cricket cup - No one in India knew what B&H actually made.

So while I search for eliachi, you peeps can enjoy Kingfisher bottled water. While Ajay Devgan sends his fans down the drain.

#vimal #panmasala #zarda #ghutka #kajol

WHY THE KAVERI ENGINE WON'T WORK

The story started in the 1930s. The work was on developing the first turbine engine. That will fly the planes of the future. The theory was established, but it couldn’t be translated into reality because the technology was not available. Especially the metal. That could withstand the heat and stress.

Nonetheless, with the war on the horizon, the race for a superior engine to fly fighter aircraft was on. The English had a slight advantage over the Germans. But most of the major development was done by the US.

In the 1960s, India got interested in this technology and started the development of its very own engine, called the Kaveri engine.

The base was right here in Bangalore.

In the scientific community, this was called ‘lucky engine. For whoever got attached to it, they got their Ph.D. easily and without any fuss. Because no one knew what the hell was happening. This engine gave about 500 people their doctoral degrees. But no real progress was made.

2017. Finally, good news arrives. They announce that the engine is ready. For testing, that is. But India doesn’t have the required test facilities. Enter good friend Russia. They took the engine to their test facility in Siberia and tested it. It passed all parameters except one.

It was too heavy to be mounted on any aircraft. It just has to lose weight. That means more research. And maybe a new metal. Or alloy. Or massive miniaturization of technology.

So we are back to square one.

We will probably be ready in the next fifty years.

#kaveriengine

#indianresearch

#chalorussia

HOW TO GET VARUN DHAWAN FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY

This little girl has a secret crush on Varun Dhawan. No longer a secret. Her mom stirred the pot when she told her that Varun Dhawan is dads good friend. All lies. Well, the girl’s 6^th birthday was coming up. And the little one tried her best to get dad to invite Varun. 

Dad was in a fix, but still put up a straight face. He said. Listen, Varun has to come from Bombay. It will be costly. So I can either buy you the Barbie doll that I promised or invite Varun Dhawan.

Your choice.

The girl took some time to think it over. The birthday approaching. A decision has to be made. Finally, she walked up to the dad and said.

You could the various colours of the rainbow on her face. She was like taking the most important decision of her life. The tug, the pull.

I have decided. She finally announced.

I want .......

The father kept his finger crossed.





The Barbie doll.



#dadtales

TWO RECENT INCIDENT THAT MADE ME THINK

A
Revanna, a minister in the Karnataka cabinet was seen throwing biscuits at Kodagu flood victims.  He actually picked up speed when some peeps began protesting. And the biggest surprise. It was not out in the flooded open but in a room. Actually, I think Poor Revanna was angry at being asked to go there. I am the eldest son of Devegowda. I should be CM asking people to go here and there. But my younger brother becomes CM. He took this anger out on the hapless flood victims.

watch it here

B
The awesome terrific Kerala floods. Insensitive na. My god. What a drama it was. No, I am not making any snide remark but commenting on the how wild social media become. How many angles and shade it took. And the real sufferers were way back in the queue. I couldn’t go out of my house without peeps of every hue asking me for money.  Schools gave a day off for the students to go door to door and collect money and stained bed sheets. I was going to shout at the girl who was calling out ‘Excuse me, sir. But when I saw that she had one lazy eye, I backed off. Do you know how much of the money collected will ever reach the destination? 0.0000000043 %.  Facebook went mad. Hmmm, Gods own country eh. There was one MLA shouting for a helicopter. It proved what I always believed. When someone has a problem, half don’t care about it. The other half is actually happy you have a problem. Thankfully, the worst is over. We can put it behind us. Till the next circus begins.

ONLY A GUY FROM NAMMA BANGLORE WILL UNDERSTAND..OR A GIRL !!!

Images culled from the net

What my Friends do After Reaching the USA

I have always wondered what my friends do after going to America. So after decades of research, here is the findings.

Once they settle down on American soil, the first thing they do is hire an immigration lawyer and put them on speed dial. The second and more important - they get busy searching for white chick.

Serious!  Its true. Here in India, their dads point them to a girl and lo! husband and wife.

Anyways. Once they reach America. They change. They get confident and now want to try their luck.

“Hi Baby”, they say. And are shot down at once. These Caucasian republican girls have no time for brown boys. So our boy changes tactic. They go for latinos. And learns the hard way. When their brother, father and boyfriend turn up and demand money. They move east. Why not Chinese or Japanese. No luck.

Our boy is sad now. Sitting hand on hand. Wondering what next and then it strikes. Why not the Russians. And the entire eastern bloc. And lo they meet success.

So my friend is now married to a Russian. Second marriage. He calls up his son from his previous marriage and says. Orrey, pergu anam thenu ra. Eat curd rice. Its good for health. And also listen to your mother. OK.

The call is made from a pizza joint. Where he, his new wife and their son are eating lunch. This son had never tasted curd rice and never will.


#myamericanbrothers

Cease Cease Fire

One of the biggest marketing successes that I've seen is the Cease Fire fire extinguisher campaign. So successful was it that every taxi wala, paan wala thought he will catch fire and bought one of the cans, which was no bigger than a coke can. It left me with no option but wonder - how will this ever help in a real fire.

The original can was half this size...

Thrice I caught my dad on the verge of buying one of these cans for home.

Years later peeps had to throw away empty cans.

Then no news of these folks for many years.. till.. they came out with a 'genius product.

It was so damn secret. A friend of mine working at this company. He couldn't stop talking of the product but without actually telling us what it was. He said it will change our lives but wasn't willing to tell more as his bosses told him it is top damn secret.

Then one Sunday it was launched. They did what can be called carpet bombing. All the TV channels showed only this ad. for 2-3 hrs.


Well the product was a vacumiser (duh). Something that kept food away from air so that it stayed fresh for long

Big flop...

I don't think they sold even 10 of that India-wide.

They asked the wrong questions.

They asked 'Can we make it' instead of 'Does she need it'

The great vacumiser

We Indians don't eat old food or preserve food for long. Hey, Dont bring in pickles...



Anyways we never heard of these folks again...